Random Oneshot Series 1
by Erich Von Freidrichsburg
Summary: Hello: Just a random series of oneshots! Sure to make you laugh!


Random oneshots Episode 1: Gaara Bakes Cookies!

P.S.: Hello! This ain't nothing special then a collection of nonsencial oneshots that sprung from either pure boredom or an overactive imagination. Sometimes, it's both. So, here you go, enjoy what supposingly will begin a good collection of nonsencial Naruto oneshots!

Gaara was sitting around on a couch watching T.V. with his siblings, Naruto, Hinata, Ino, Sakura, and Shikamaru. Then, for no reason, Gaara said the most random of things.

Gaara: For some reason, I have a sudden, strong urge to bake cookies.

And, as we all no, this was a very supprising comment...especially from a Kage. (For all you noobs out there, this is post-time skip. If you're new to the series, watch, I don't know, the first 125 episodes. Or go to wikipedia. Please, I don't want people asking me "What are they talking about?", or "Why isn't Sasuke there?". The reason why: Sasuke, that emo, revenge-bent, little scumbag of a F&ING TRAITOR ran off to go train under Orochimaru. And, also, for all you Naru/Sasu fans out there (which would be most the women here), Sasuke tried to KILL, as in, flat-out cold-heartingly KILL Naruto in the latest manga chapters. Also, for all those Sasu/Saku fans out there, he also tried to kill Sakura as well. Which should be a giant hint for most of you.)

Now, back to the story...

Kankuro: Uh...WHAT did you say, littl' bro?

Gaara: I said, I have an urge, no, wait, a GREAT DESIRE to make cookies! Who wants to help?

Hinata: Uh...I would, Gaara-sama.

Temari: Um, did you know what happened last time you made cookies? We all passed out from FOOD POISONING.

Hinata: D-don't worry, Temari-san, I'm making them with him. I'm sure they'll be good. _I hope there good enough for Naruto to notice me..._

So, they went and made cookies. When the dough was ready, Gaara had to use the restroom.

Gaara: Alright, Hinata, I need to use the restroom. Don't touch anything.

Hinata: A-alright, Gaara-sama. _Hmm...the cookies aren't going to taste sweet enough for so little sugar...maybe I could ask Sakura-chan to get some._

Hinata: Um, Sakura-chan? Can you run down to the store and get some sugar?

Sakura: What? But I'm watching _El Amor de Dios! _I've been waiting all week to see this!

Hinata: Uh, i-it will be just a minute. Can you go during a commercial break?

Sakura: Yeah, there's one right now. I'll be back in a few minutes.

And so, Sakura went out on the streets of Suna to the nearby minimart. But, when she got there, they were out of sugar.

Sakura: Aw, man! _El Amor_ is going to start in a minute! I have to fine some white stuff that looks like sugar!

Man in trenchcoat: Hey, you look like you need some white powder. Want to buy some of my shit? Nothing gets better then the stuff I grow!

Sakura: Um, does it look like sugar?

MIT: Yes.

Sakura: Then I'll buy some!

MIT: Alright, 50 ryo an ounce.

Sakura: WHAT? Well, as long as Hinata-chan thinks it's sugar.

So, she bought some, burst through the front door, shoved the bag in Hinata's hands, and ran to watch _El Amor._

Hinata: _I didn't think she would buy so much! Thankfuly, Gaara's not back yet. I'll just add a few pinches, and that's it._

And so she added it to the mix. However, it was not sugar, but COCAINE she was putting in. Gaara came in, put the dough in the oven, and sat down with everyone to watch_ El Amor_. As with all cheesy, spanish-titled soap operas, there's bound to be a guy named Roderick.

T.V. Narrator: But, Roderick does not know: he's actually dating his girlfriends twin sister!

Sakura, Ino, and Temari: Roderick, NOOOOOO!

Hinata: _That powder Sakura-chan got sure was strange...hope she didn't get something else. These cookies have to be perfect to impress Naruto._

Just then, Naruto yawned, streched, and put his arm around Hinata.

Hinata: (Blushing redder than a tomato) Um...um...N-n-naruto-kun?

Naruto: Yes, Hinata-chan?

He had a sleepy look in his eyes. The soap opera bored him to tears, and was sleepy. He then layed his head down on Hinata's choulder, and Hinata blushed even redder (if that was even possible).

Naruto: Hey, Hinata-chan?

Hinata: Uh, u-um, y-yes, Naruto-k-kun?

Naruto: Can I lean against you? I'm tired.

Hinata: S-sure, N-naruto-kun. _Wow. He's actualy cuddling with me! This is my dream come true!_

Suddenely, Gaara bursted in with a plate full of cookies.

Gaara: The cookies are ready!

Naruto: Good! I'm starved!

He quickly grabbed a cookie and shoved it into his mouth. He then got a look of pure disgust on his face.

Naruto: BLEAH! Those are worse than Kakashi-sensei's cookies (A.N.: somewhere, Kakashi sneazed)! What the hell did you put into them?

Gaara just stood there for a moment. Then, he turned his gaze towards Hinata. Yes, that gaze. The gaze that in the past made Kankuro wet his pants.

Gaara: Hinata, what did you put in this mixture?

Hinata: Uh, um, uh, s-s-sugar?

Gaara: Where did you get sugar? We completely ran out of it when we made the cookies.

Hinata: U-uh, I g-got it from Sakura-chan. I asked her to get some sugar, because the c-cookies were to plain. I-i'm sorry if I ruined them.

Just then, Naruto immediately shoved his head into Hinata's neck.

Hinata: N-n-naruto-kun!

Naruto: Hmm, Hinata! Your hair smeels so good! What did you use to wash it with this mornig?

He said this with a very strange look on his face.

Hinata: Uh, uh, violet-scented?

Naruto: And, hey, did you, did you also notice the fact that your boobs are big?

Hinata: W-what?

Naruto: YEP! Way bigger, way, way bigger than Sakura's! Let's go take a look, huh?

He attempted to unzip her coat when Sakura's fist came flying through the air. Naruto would not wake up until the next evening.

Sakura: And what the fuck is THAT suppose to mean, dumbass?

Hinata: Um, I'll just take Naruto-kun to his room now.

She quickly took Naruto and put him in his room.

Gaara: Now that THAT'S over with, I'll just...Temari, what the fuck are you doing?

Temari and Ino were fighting each other to be the first to take Shikamaru's clothes off.

Temari: NO WAY, YOU BITCH! HE'S MINE!

Ino: WELL I SAW HIM FIRST!

Temari: BUT HE LIKES ME BETTER!

Shikamaru: What the fuck!

Gaara, at this point, passed out. He awoke at 3:30 in the morning.

Gaara: Uh, what ths hell happened?

Kankuro: Well, to sum it up in a nutshell, you made cookies, Hinata accidentely put COCAINE in them, and basically everyone got high besides me, you, and Hinata.

Gaara: Uh, what happened to Shikamaru?

Kankuro: Well, just take a look in Temari's room.

He looked in, and saw a sight that would haunt his dreams for the rest of his life. On the bed was Temari NAKED besides a bra and a skirt, Ino on the floor without anything on at all, and a tied up and shaking Shikamaru on the bed.

Shikamaru: HELP ME!

Gaara: My...god...in...heaven...

At the sound of Shika shouting, Temari went up and gagged him...with her BRA.

Temari: Eh, go to sleep. We'll fuck some more tomorrow...zzz.

At that, Kankuro closed the door.

Kankuro: Well, pretty sad fate, eh?

Gaara: I fear what happened between Naruto and Hinata.

Kankuro: Well, why don't you just take a look?

Gaara opened the door, expecting a horrible sight: instead, he saw there, lying on the bed, a fully-clothed Hinata resting her head on a fully-clothed Naruto.

Kankuro: Don't they look just so adorable?

Gaara: Well, at least ONE good thing came out of this...

Kankuro: Gaara?

Gaara: Yes?

Kankuro: Promise me this: NEVER make cookies again.

THE END

Next random oneshot: Deidara and his veiw on cows.


End file.
